he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
