apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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