just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
