I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
