you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
