At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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