yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize