if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
