she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
