Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Drunk is a universal language darling
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