Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
