Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
