he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
