Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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