Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
