i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
