Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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