My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
