I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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