Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
dude. I can hear the air.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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