I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
