watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
