Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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