god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
