hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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