I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
