he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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