He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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