i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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