apparently the secret to your success is patron
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My ass is underappreciated
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
