don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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