Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
