oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
