HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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