I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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