meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
