Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
