CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
