I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
