how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
