If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
