Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
