I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
