I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
