i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
