i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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