its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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