He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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