My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
