There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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