I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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