My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
