Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm too high and old for this...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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