i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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