She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
