Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's the barista slut.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
