I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
