Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
