PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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