I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
