Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
