my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he thought i was a dude.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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