i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
now i know why i became what i already was.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
