hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
