you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
