Yo dont text me then not text me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
