The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
