I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
