you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
